This Church Failure Drives Me Crazy

"I'm discouraged," says the 28 year old single woman, answering my inquiry about her attempt to become involved in church. "Discouraged? How so," I asked. We had been discussing her return to the church for the past few weeks. Myra works for a company that I serve as chaplain.  She had grown up Catholic but had not gone regularly to church in several years. She began to feel a need to start going to church regularly and a friend recently had invited her to a non-denominational church which she said she really enjoyed. This was a contemporary church that seemed to focus on living your faith in the real world. 

Myra had told me a few weeks ago that she had made up her mind to give this church a shot and started going weekly. Myra even signed up to be in a small group and she also signed up to help out in the children's ministry and to sing on their praise team. She was really excited about this opportunity and the impact it would have on her life.  Yet on this day Myra explained that she was discouraged because a month had passed and she had not heard anything from the church.  She said she wasn't going to let this affect her faith but admitted she was discouraged so much that she just didn't go to church this past Sunday.

Hearing this broke my heart. This is an epic failure for a church. The church Myra is attempting to become involved in is a multi-site of a large church that I know has systems to help assimilate newcomers.  Yet, here is an example of a professional, attractive young single adult who is searching and wanting to become involved in the church, knowing that this step is crucial for her faith and spiritual development.  And the church somehow drops the ball at the crucial point in this young woman's life.  

I don't know the details of this church's process so I don't know the reason for their inability to follow up with Myra. Maybe their process failed or the person who is in charge of newcomer assimilation didn't do her job.  Perhaps it is because Myra is single and the church just does not have much for single adults.  Myra said there seemed to be a lot of things for families but she didn't notice anything special for single adults.  Whatever the reason, if a church doesn't respond when the iron is hot so to speak, they have a good chance of missing out altogether on the opportunity to help this one person know Christ and change her life. I can't think of another thing a church can do that is more important.

Myra is a typical millennial. She is single like a majority of the millennial generation. I've seen many blogs and heard sermons about the urgent need to reach the millenials if the church is to succeed in the future.  Could it be that the reason the church is not reaching them is that they are neglecting the largest group of millennials, the unmarried adult?  In a past blog I wrote about what it takes to reach the 20 something generation, not just young families with children which is important, but also the single twenty something adult.  

But, unless there are ministries in place that a young single can plug into, and a process that helps him or her connect, a church will just not reach them.  

Remember, the millennial generation may be different than the previous in many ways but each one of them is similar to most people in that they: 

• Want to be valued
• Want to be challenged
• Want to be used
• Want to be mentored 
• Want community
• Want to make a difference

How is your church reaching them and incorporating them into your church?  I'd like to hear from you.  

The Key To Reaching The Millennial Generation

There have been many studies and articles proclaiming how the Millennial generation (born from1984-2004) has left the church.  Our Missional Association church planters for the most part are trying to reach this generation. I think many churches can be successful attracting young married millennials but when it comes to reaching the single adult in their twenties, most are falling way short.  This is concerning because a recent PEW poll showed only 26 percent of the millennials in their 20's are married. When they were the same age, 36 percent of the Gen Xers, 48 percent of baby boomers and 65 percent of the Silent Generation were married.

What this means is that 74% are single, so if you are not reaching single adults it stands to reason you are not reaching many Millennials.  The large singles ministries of the 80's and 90's fizzled out as the baby boomers got older and most churches have abandoned specific ministries for single adults and focused only on married couples and couples with children.

I was part of that large singles ministry experience, being a pastor to single adults in Austin in the 90's.  We had over 300 singles, almost half of those below 35 years of age, attending Sunday morning classes specifically for singles. We offered specific ministries designed to meet their needs.  We started a Metro Bible study that met on a week night.  At its peak, this "singles sort of get together thing" as we called it, had over 700 singles on any given Tuesday night.

Ministry was incredible with these singles because they had the energy, enthusiasm, and time to serve God.  I loved to take a team of 16-20 singles each summer on mission trips to churches in small towns in other states.  We would host sports camps for youth and teenagers and share the Gospel to kids who probably had never been around young singles who were passionate and excited about God.  Most all the young men and women in their town had left when it was time to go to college and seldom returned and the only Christians these kids saw were adults the age of their parents or older.  So our young singles made an incredible impact on these kids, loving on them and sharing the Gospel.  Our church also benefitted tremendously from their energy and passion, as they served in the different ministries of the church.

But somewhere along the way, churches lost their zeal to reach singles.  Maybe they didn't see their value. Perhaps it was because most pastors are married with children and they don't really understand singles and don't see their value to the church. They are much more comfortable with families and so their programming and sermons are directed toward families with children.  The perception is that singles don't tithe and they come with so much baggage.

One of the singles that served with me when I was a singles minister has remained single. He confided to me that it is really difficult for him to go to church nowadays. He feels like a fifth wheel and there just doesn't seem to be anywhere he fits in.  He said, "people think I am gay and I have to overcome that stigma everywhere I go". This is a very talented man who has been in ministry and could do amazing ministry in the church. But he is often ignored because he is not married.

I also run into countless young singles in businesses in which I am chaplain, through Marketplace Ministries. Most of them do not go to church, yet most will say they have faith in God. They have all kinds of excuses but I get the feeling that if someone would offer to pick them up and take them, they'd go.

New churches could do well to target the millennial singles. And so many of them need the community, structure and relationship with Christ that they'd find in your church.  But to reach them you'll need to be strategic:
Recruit a single adult to lead the ministry.
Instead of hiring a married pastor with children to lead the ministry like many pastors do, look for a young Christian single who is outgoing and a networker. A single adult leader will have much more time and involvement with singles than a married pastor. Whether you pay them or make them a staff member depends on your budget. You could also recruit a core team of singles to lead the ministry. Whether one leader or a team, provide them with some resources, give them a vision for what could happen and the freedom and encouragement to build a community of single adults that will reach out to other singles.

• Involve them in ministry.  Encourage them to serve in all areas of ministry in your church. Recruit them.  Ask them to serve.  

• Create Single Adult Missional Communities. Missional groups larger than your typical 10-12 person life group work better for single adults. These groups focus on missions and community and growth. New singles to the group provide energy and excitement. You want to always be growing and serving together. 

• Preach and teach and provide ministries about issues that are relevant to singles.  For example, when I was Singles minister I would hold a Single Mom's Expo each year and invite single moms from all over the city.  It was a Saturday designed to pamper the single mom, to make her feel special. We provided childcare (a VBS experience), would serve them lunch, and have a speaker that would give them practical and spiritual advice and encouragement. We collected lightly worn clothing from the congregation and set up a clothing store where the single moms would get to pick out clothing they could wear to work. We put on a fashion show with our single ladies modeling clothes that had been donated. And I had tons of door prizes donated from merchants in the community. We invited them to come to church the following day and introduced them to singles in our ministry.  At the end of the day many of the ladies would be in tears, walking out with a bundle of clothes and feeling inspired. 

The single adult is a big percentage of our population that the church has ignored. Any church that values singles, provides space, resources and time for them will reach them.

Read more what the millennials are looking for in a church here.